By Humayun Khalid

Beloved Shogunate,

Hideyoshi and myself received intelligence that Joe Turian of the Penetrators was having dinner in the Dining Hall. We decided to stake out Turian's room in F entryway. I went up to the 2nd floor while Hideyoshi went to the basement. We heard the door slam and two people started walking in. They both seemed in a hurry, and started running up as fast as we could. As soon as I saw a nozzle appear, I knew that we had our guy -- a split second later I saw his face appear and fired immediately, hitting him with all 5 of my darts.
At this point his partner, whom I hadn't seen, started running down as fast as he could. I yelled an ancient japanese code-chant (namely "Hiiyyaaahh") and Hideyoshi made his quick appearance from the basement. Turian's partner turned out to be Chris Paradise, also of the Penetrators, making a guest appearance on our Matriza show tonight. Needless to say, Hideyoshi didn't waste his opportunity. 4 well-aimed nerf-darts and a fraction of a second letter, Chris had joined Turian among the Penetrated dead. 5:40pm: Chris Paradise and Joe Turian succumbed to the Matriza.

Hideyoshi and Kawasaki strike again.

Yours -- Kawasaki