Esteemed Shogunate,

After an exhilirating and immodest display of my nude body, I boldly strode passed the foosball players, their eyes transfixed on the heavens so steadily that not even an explosion could have shaken them. Sprinting up the stairs, through the hallway, and into the stairwell, my blood was electrified. They had wanted to hunt the beast, to kill it, cut its throat, and make sanguine merriment over its corpse. or so it seemed...

as I bounded up the stairs and onto the third floor, to my amusement, the Tokagowa "amateurs" had positioned two of their (snicker) killers behind both the near and far post double doors, hoping to surprise the Jacobite and catch him unarmed. What they got was nothing else but his sheer wrath and fury.

the "assassin" on the right, having recently finished "play-time", was beginning to put his alphabet blocks away and get ready for nap-time. Seeing me in my glory, he quickly panicked and fled, understandably shaken by the majesty of his prey. The "gun-shy" killer lost all nerve, including that of his urinary system.

as for the spindly Amazon on the left, she, not realizing what would happen, stepped directly out into my face and gazing with delight for a second, fixated her eyes on the embodiment of my masculinity. Suddenly, it struck her like a piercing blow, and horrified, she began to withdraw, muttering unintelligibly.

pursuing, i followed asking her what was wrong. after she refused to turn and face me, I began walking back in a free spirited fashion to my room. Suddenly, the winsom lass gripped her gun and fired two rounds into my fleshy backside.

I bellowed and roared in anger at the flagrant attack, "I AM SAFE!!! You have just shot a safe target. THIS MEANS WAR!!!" Excusing her conduct with cries of, "You're dead because i shot you in the back and couldn't see your front", the wench began convulsing as i left her.

Upon returning to my room, to the rejoicing of my clanmates and approving cries of the neighbors, I entered my humble abode safe at last. The Jacobites were safe once again.

Alex Athanassiou
JACOBITE CLAN